After 12 months, or three hundred sixty five days, We all celebrate in our various ways, Break out balloons, gifts, and streamers and hats, Friend invitations, can’t argue with that, But the best scene of all, the b-day main attraction, The time when everyone expects the action, Is when the ole pastry gets put to […]
Everyone poops, so says the good book, I’m about to give you an inside look, With two to deal with and care for and love, A pair of poop machines sent from above, In the relative short time that I’ve been a dad, I could fill many diapers with the good times I’ve had. It […]
Let me tell you a tale of a terrible force, Of my late night run-in with Demon Charlie, the Horse, And the terror that coursed through my every leg vein, In excruciating, thundering, terrible pain. I was lying in bed, with dreams gently brewing, Not minding what anything around me was doing, I’d just kissed […]
Spring a ding dong, Beautiful time at your door, Go outside in a thong, Probably should wear more, But it’s hot outside, You’ve been cooped up all year, Give the G-string a ride, You’ve got no thing to fear, No matter the bum, With the cottage cheese dimples, Give the old string a strum, So […]
Plumbing is rotten, Plumbing is hard, Whenever I Plumb, I feel like a tard, I never used to fear water this way, But talk about Plumbing, and you’ll ruin my day. It’s not that I can’t, you see I am handy, I hammer and cut and screwdrive just dandy, But something about pressured pipes in […]
Football season is upon us, Like hobo on ham sandwich, So much football on the weekend, That I just can barely stand it, With my HDTV ready, And my surround speakers blaring, My wife is yelling something, But I’m not really caring. See, there’s something that wells up, In a football lover’s soul, When the […]
Why does getting fit have to be hard? I try to be fit, but I end up a lard, I’m pudgy and droopy and all around fat, And why, you ask, am I proud about that? I’m not, so why don’t you get off my back! I’m aware that I’ll soon have a heart attack! […]