Duty

Everyone poops, so says the good book,
I’m about to give you an inside look,
With two to deal with and care for and love,
A pair of poop machines sent from above,
In the relative short time that I’ve been a dad,
I could fill many diapers with the good times I’ve had.

It didn’t take long for my boy to catch on,
Minutes into the world he had filled his bonbon,
Sis followed suit, initiation complete,
As many will tell, these first fruit are not sweet.
From the hospital room, the only fresh pair of legs,
It was my duty each time to clean up the dregs.
After two nights with nary a wink,
From the useless recliner, amidst all the stink,
I was already in need of some kind of break,
“Grandma, come save us for heaven’s sake!”

At home I continued to hone my skill,
Proud I could get through without feeling ill.
With more help around, my duty decreased,
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But new wrinkles began to come about now,
“How did so much poop come from a little girl? WOW!”
Explosives, projectiles, rainbows and stains,
Diapers and wipes, butt paste and butt pains,
Delirious, 3am, taking two at a time,
Cleaning sneaky, deep cracks of the gooey, brown grime.
And then there’s the buckets, don’t e’en get me started,
These special doohickeys are completely retarded,
Tying thin bags that last only a couple of hours,
Getting the smelly blue worms from their plastic poop towers,
There has to be a better way to dispose,
We could fill a small dumpster each month I suppose.

I’ve gotten used the job now and become a pro,
I can usually hog-tie them in a few seconds or so,
But look forward to a day when my duty will change,
And my twin children’s poop is removed from my range,
Potty training will be hard, but worth all the splash,
Buying diapers, wipes and creams is depleting my cash!